


Black Butterflies and Déjà Vu

by starboyshiro



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Shiro's very much in love, Smut in the last chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-02-24 05:06:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13206582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starboyshiro/pseuds/starboyshiro
Summary: Shiro and Lance have a complicated relationship, how complicated? Worrying about the safety of others and carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, desperate for one another's affection, yet too afraid to do anything about it. Rejection is tough and even leads to failure in successfully completing missions. Shiro takes the blame for everything that happened, sitting in darkness for hours and wondering where he went wrong and what he could have done to prevent any of this. Actually, Shiro knows exactly what he did, and it’s killing him.





	1. Chapter 1

Shiro heaves a sigh of relief as he finishes off the last of the simulation bots, wiping a small droplet of sweat from his brow as he tries to get his breathing back to normal.

“Great job, Shiro,” Lance speaks up from behind him. Shiro smiles softly and turns toward him as he wipes more sweat from his forehead.

“Oh, thanks, Lance.”

“Yeah, no problem. Do you have a minute?” Lance asks, shifting his weight and avoiding eye contact.

“Is something wrong?” Shiro offers Lance a soft smile, placing his hand on his shoulder with a gentle squeeze.

“No, no. Nothing is wrong I just have something I want to get off of my chest,” Lance admits.

Shiro nods as they walk towards the door. Lance clears his throat, rubbing it for a second.

“I just wanted to tell you I like you, Shiro,” he says. It comes out just barely above a whisper.

Shiro stops dead in his tracks and stares at Lance, mouth slightly agape.

Lance wets his lips, chewing on the bottom one for a brief moment. “I just wanted to get it off my chest. I’m tired of hiding it, even you if don’t feel the same way I just wanted to tell you.”  

“You what?” Shiro questions, as if he didn’t just hear him and it didn’t make his heart skip a beat.

“Come on, Shiro, don’t make me say it again. I know you heard me.” The younger paladin looks up at the older with pleading eyes.

“Lance, I can’t… we can’t…” Shiro stumbles over his words, not getting out what he wants to say. Or even how he feels.

“It’s fine, Shiro, I get it. I wasn’t expecting anything out of this. I just want to get it off my chest.” Lance smiles softly, giving Shiro’s shoulder a gentle pat. “I really didn’t expect my hero to have feelings for me anyway.”

“Hero?” Shiro questions as if he’s never heard anyone call him a hero before. No one this close to him ever has at least. Lance is honestly the last person he’d expect to say something like that.  
  
“Yeah… you’ve always kind of been my hero. Since way back at the Garrison, the first time I saw you I was just so starstruck. You were just so cool and I wanted to be just like you. I wanted…” Lance trails off for a moment, sucking in a deep breath before speaking again, “I wanted you to notice me, but before I could even get close to you, you were off to Kerberos. When I saw you again I thought it’d be my chance to finally get close to you and hopefully impress my hero. Which I’m clearly not that great at, but I thought my crush would go away. I thought it would go away because my image of you would change, I would see that you aren’t really the way I thought you were, but you are. You’re even better than I could have imaged. You care for your team so much and it doesn’t help my case. I wanted the feelings to go away, I wanted to just brush them off, but you make it so damn hard to. You're still my hero.” Lance finishes his mini-speech, refusing to look at Shiro, too embarrassed by everything that just came out of his mouth.

Shiro’s breath gets caught in his throat as he tries to put together all that Lance just told him. He runs his teeth over his bottom lip, trying to contain the excitement of a requited crush.

“Lance can we-” Shiro gets cut off by the sound of the door opening. Allura walks in, looking rather flustered. Shiro sighs as he closes his mouth. This definitely isn’t a conversation he wants Allura to hear.

“Lance, there you are! I need you to come with me!” Allura exclaims, sounding rather frantic.

“I knew you’d eventually come around, Princess,” Lance says with a wink. Shiro resists the urge to roll his eyes. Instead, he gives Lance a stern look.

“Not funny, Lance,” Shiro grumbles, folding his arms over his chest.

Lance shrugs and smiles, acting as if he didn’t just tell Shiro he has romantic feelings for him.

“I was going for flirty anyway. What do you need, Princess?” Lance asks.

“I need your assistance on a mission, Lance,” Allura tells him, it's not like he has a choice in the matter anyway...

“Really? I guess I’ll go suit up and get Red.”

“Actually, Lance, we’ll be taking something less… obvious. I need you as a sharpshooter, we have to be… more discreet.”  Allura describes what she needs from Lance, stumbling a bit while trying to find the right wording.

“Oh uh, okay, I’ll suit up then meet you in the hanger,” Lance flashes a brilliant smile that makes Shiro go weak in the knees.

Allura nods before turning and walking right back out the door.

“Lance, can we please talk about this when you get back?” Shiro asks, sounding slightly desperate.

“So you can just deny me some more?” Lance turns away from Shiro, his tone very standoffish as he walks towards the door.

“Lance that’s not-” Shiro grabs Lance’s arm, but Lance instantly pulls away, cutting him off.

“Shiro, please. I don’t need you telling me how bad you feel because you don’t feel the same way. It’ll be better for the both of us if we just drop this,” Lance pleads, staring at him, looking somewhat like a hurt puppy.

Shiro simply nods, deciding to drop it, for now, he can't avoid him forever. He frowns, watching as Lance walks out of the room.  


~~

 

Everything was normal after Lance left, well as normal as things could be when you’re in space aboard a giant flying castle-ship. It should have been fine. It should have been an easy mission. Things were going fine, the rest of the paladins, Keith, and Coran were silently watching over the mission from bridge. It was all normal and fine, up until the second they lost communication with Allura and Lance.

“What happened? Why can’t we hear them?” Shiro frets, the panic evident in his voice as he shifts awkwardly where he’s standing..

“We lost contact, something is interfering with our sensors,” Pidge tells him from her seat, she continues tapping away at the computer in front of her.

“Can you fix it? How long will it take?” It all feels wrong to Shiro, they _need_ to get back in contact with them.

“I’m trying to locate the source.” She says, not taking her eyes off of the computer.

Shiro sighs crossing his arms over his chest as he looks out the window. _God, I hope they’re okay._  

Allura’s voice breaks over the intercom, “-nce! Where are you!?”

“Princess, what’s going on?” Shiro questions, anxiety bubbling in his veins.

“It’s Lance, he’s been… he’s been captured.” Allura cries out, her voice cracking

Shiro’s heart sinks. “Captured?”

“Yes, I—I can’t get to him. He’s gone.”

“Princess, you have to get back to the castle immediately!” Coran yells.

“What about Lance, we can’t just leave him!” Shiro wails, throwing his hands up. He _cannot_ give up on Lance.

“We’ll have to worry about locating Lance later. We have to get the Princess back here,” Croan says, waving Shiro off.

“We have to find him! We can't just leave him out there alone!” Shiro protests, not wanting to take no for an answer. This can’t be how he and Lance leave things off.  

“Shiro, I’m sure he’s fine. We’ll find him soon enough,” Keith assures while walking over to Shiro.

“He’s alone,” Shiro whispers, not even loud enough for Keith to hear him.

“What?” Keith asks.

“He’s out there, by himself, he’s probably terrified… I was.”

“Shiro, the Galra don’t have him, he’s not going to have to go through what you did,” Keith places his hand on Shiro’s shoulder, trying to reassure him, trying to make him believe that Lance is okay.

“You don’t know that. I’m going to my room, I need to think.” Without giving any more explanation Shiro walks out of the bridge and towards his room.

 _This can’t be happening, not to Lance, not after what he just told me. This isn’t fair! He just poured my heart out to me and now he’s out there alone. I can’t imagine what he’s going through already_. Shiro thinks to himself as he drags himself to his room.

He clenches his fists as he opens the door to his room. He runs his fingers through his hair, tugging on it gently.

_I can’t believe this is happening. This can’t be happening, why did it have to be Lance? Why couldn’t it have been me? He doesn’t deserve this, he doesn’t deserve any of this. I don’t deserve him. I feel like this is all my fault. It’s my fault he’s not here. It should have been me. I should have been the one to go out there. Not him, not Lance. He’s so bright and bubbly. Why couldn’t I have just told him how I feel? I had to let my own apprehension get in the way and ruin the whole damn thing. I’ve failed him as a friend and a leader. I’m… I’m such an idiot. I’m a failure and I failed one of the most important people to me… and now he’s gone._

Shiro sit down on my bed, shoving my face into my hands, as he lets out a broken sob.

_Why couldn’t I have just been honest with him? Told him how I actually feel? He probably would have been less distracted and probably wouldn’t have gotten captured if I was just honest with him. He doesn’t deserve this, he’s already been ripped away from his family without explanation, he doesn’t need this too._

Someone knocks on the door, slightly startling Shiro. He gets up and straightens himself out before opening the door. Hunk stands in the doorway, looking at him sheepish smile.

“Is something wrong, Hunk?”

“No, you just seemed really upset about Lance.”

“It should be me,” Shiro whines softly, surprising Hunk.

“What? Shiro, no.” Hunk says, putting his hands up as if to dismiss what Shiro just said.

“It should be me. This is all too familiar, it should have been me. He doesn’t deserve this, Hunk.”

“You don’t either, Shiro.”

“It’s my fault! It should be me!” Shiro yells as more tears slide down his cheeks.

“Shiro, dude, why are you blaming yourself for this? It isn’t your fault. It isn’t anyone's fault.” Hunk says, his voice laced with concern. Hunk gently rests his hand on Shiro’s shoulder, watching as he deflates slightly.

Shiro swallows the lump in his throat before he speaks. “It is though, it is my fault. He told me how he feels about me. He told me everything and I let him down. This is my fault. It’s my fault he’s gone. I should have just... I should have-”

Hunk cuts him off, “There’s nothing you could have done to prevent this. It isn’t your fault and we’re going to get him back.” Hunk pulls Shiro into a tight hug, Shiro slumps into the embrace.

“I should have told him how I feel. Maybe if I did he wouldn’t have been so off, he wouldn’t have been hurt, he probably would have been more focused.” Shiro sighs, sound weak.

“Wait, you have feelings for Lance?” Hunk asks, pushing Shiro to stand straight so he can look him in the eyes.

“I always have… I just thought it would be inappropriate and have negative effects on the team. I was wrong, I should have told him. He’d probably be right back here if I did. Not telling him is hurting him more than if I would have told him.” Shiro rubs the back of his neck, avoiding Hunk’s gaze.

“You don’t know that. You don’t know what would have happened if you did tell him the truth. The same thing could have happened and you’d probably be in here blaming yourself just like you are right now. You just need to calm down and clear your head. We’ll find him, and then you can tell him how you really feel.” Hunk says while giving Shiro’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Can you keep this to yourself? I’d rather not tell the rest of the team how I feel about Lance, yet.” Shiro asks, feeling insecure about his own feelings once again. A feeling that he’s all too used to.

“Your secret is safe with me.” Hunk reassures him with a gentle smile.

“Thank you, Hunk, this means a lot to me.”

“No problem, just try to relax a little,” he says while offering Shiro a weak smile.

Shiro nods, watching silently as he leaves his room, leaving him alone with his thoughts. Shiro hopes to God that they find Lance soon, he doesn’t deserve whatever they’re doing to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! You can find me on tumblr [@starboyshiro](http://starboyshiro.tumblr.com)


	2. Chapter 2

To Shiro, it feels like Lance has been gone for much longer than it's actually been. It feels like years have passed since the last time he saw his face, but in reality, only a few weeks have gone by. He has a rising supposition that the rest of the team is starting to worry about him and he can’t really blame them. He has been distant, putting everything he has into finding Lance. 

I need to find him. I need to make sure he’s okay. I need him to come back. I… I need him. Shiro sighs as he presses his hand against the cool window of the observation deck, looking at the vast universe before him. Shiro knows he’s out there somewhere, he just wishes he knew where. 

“I’m so sorry, Lance,” Shiro speaks softly, knowing he can’t hear him anyway. “I’m so sorry, Lance, it's all my fault. I just, I should have been honest with you and god I wish you here right now. I wish I could just hug you and tell you everything… tell you how much you mean to me. How much I love you.” He chokes back a sob, rubbing his eyes roughly. “Please come okay. Please, please, I need you here with me. I need your smiles and your sense of humor. I need you, Lance.” 

“You should really stop blaming yourself,” Hunk says, startling Shiro as he places his hand on his shoulder.

Shiro places a hand over his chest, sucking in a deep breath and quickly wiping his eyes before looking at him.

“You shouldn’t sneak up on people.” Shiro exhales as he leans against the window, staring at Hunk.

“I didn’t, you were too busy blaming yourself to notice me. Listen, I’m really worried about you, Shiro, and blaming yourself isn’t going to bring him back any faster. You have to take a step back and relax a little. We’ll find him.” Hunk says, his voice smooth and sweet as he tries to soothe Shiro. 

“I can’t relax when I know he’s out there. What if the Glara have him? What if they’re torturing him? Making him fight for his life? Hunk, I… We need to find him.” Shiro frowns, not bothering to wipe the few stray tears so Hunk takes it upon himself to wipe them for him.

“I get why you’re hurting Shiro, but you seem to forget that Lance is my best friend. I’m hurting too. I want to find him just as much as you do, but you’re hurting yourself. Why don’t I make you a milkshake and you can talk about Lance as much as you want, and then we’ll get you into bed, okay?” Hunk asks, but it's just a formality, Hunk isn’t going to take no for an answer. 

Shiro sighs, clenching his fist before finally nodding and agreeing to go with Hunk. A milkshake does sound nice. 

Hunk and Shiro walk to the kitchen in relative silence, not feeling the need to talk much right now. There’s not much to talk about anyway besides both missing the same person. Maybe Hunk could tell Shiro stories about Lance?

Shiro leans against the counter, zoning out while Hunk out all of the supplies to make a milkshake.

“Did you hear me?” Hunk asks Shiro, Shiro startles slightly, but stands back up, blinking at Hunk.

“No, sorry, what did you say?” Shiro blushes while running his fingers over the short hairs on the back of his neck. 

“I said your milkshake is ready.” 

“Oh, already?” 

Hunk nods while handing it to Shiro. It looks so pretty, he almost feels guilty about drinking it. The perfect swirl of whipped cream on the top makes Shiro miss the ones his mom used to make him.

“So, why do you like Lance so much?” Hunk asks while leaning on the counter, placing his chin in his hand. 

“His eyes remind me of the ocean.” Shiro smiles, looking down at his hands. 

“That’s so cliche.” Hunk snorts. Shiro rolls his eyes while taking a sip of his milkshake, a delighted smile spreads about his face. Shiro just doesn’t get how he make something taste so good when everything he makes tastes so bad.

“I know, but it's true, and he always puts everyone before himself. He’d take a bullet for any of us without thinking twice. He’s so selfless and I don’t think very many people realize that.” 

“I know, Lance is pretty amazing. So tell me, why did you panic when he told you?” 

“I thought he might have been messing with me at first, which is stupid to think, Lance wouldn’t do something like that, but when he told me how long he’s had feelings for me, I-I guess it really started to sink in that he wasn’t messing with me and then Allura came in before I had the chance to tell him I wanted to talk about. When she finally left he told me he didn’t want to talk about it, saying he doesn’t need me telling him how bad I feel and now he’s gone. He’s gone and I never got to tell him how I feel.” 

“How long?”

 

“What?”

“How long have you loved him?” 

“Too long...”

“Since the Garrison? Are you kidding me?” Hunk asks, slamming his hands onto the counter. He stares at Shiro with a huge smile. 

Shiro nods softly sipping on his milkshake. Hunk looks at him like he’s about to lose his mind over this new found information. 

“I knew it! I always told him you were sneaking glances at him!” 

“Shut up, it's not my fault he’s so likable,” Shiro grumbles continuing to sip his shake.

“A lot of people would say otherwise,” Hunk says with a huff. 

“Well, they’re wrong. I should have told him sooner, but I figured he wasn’t interested in guys. He was always flirting with every female around. I just, figured he didn’t look at me that way. I would get so angry every time he flirted with someone in front of me. I hated it and I’m selfish so of course, I wanted it to be me. I just wanted his affections so bad, but when he told me how he felt, I didn't know how to react,” Shiro says while putting his head in his hands. 

“You wanna know something that will probably piss you off?” Hunk smirks while leaning closer to Shiro, nudging him gently. 

“No, not really,” Shiro says, taking another sip of my milkshake and hoping he won’t tell him. 

“I’m going to tell you anyway. He would flirt with everyone in hopes to make you jealous. I used to tell him that it was ridiculous, but apparently it worked.” 

“He did it on purpose?” Shiro furrows his eyebrows together, wondering why Lance would he do such a thing.

“Of course he did. He would do anything to get your attention. Shiro the Hero, who wouldn’t want his attention?” 

Hero. Shiro pauses, looking down at his more than half empty cup, gently squeezing it. He wishes he could share it with Lance.

“I miss him.” Shiro sighs, rubbing his face. 

“We all do, buddy.” Hunk smiles sadly. 

“Thank you for this, Hunk.” 

“I make milkshakes for everyone, it's not a big deal.”

“No, I mean, well yes for the milkshake too, but for being here. I know it's hard for you too and I’m just really glad you aren’t looking at me differently because of my feelings.” Shiro looks at Hunk, giving the best smile he can muster. 

“Honestly the only way I’d look at you differently is if you didn’t have feelings for Lance.” 

Shiro nods, looking down at his empty cup, it just reminds him of how empty he feels inside. He just wishes he could have held him just once.

“Hey, um, why don’t you try getting some rest? I know you need it,” Hunk says while gently taking the cup from my hands. 

Shiro nods, not having the energy to really protest it. 

“You have to get some rest too, Hunk.” 

“I will, bud.” 

Shiro nods once again before getting up to walk away.

“Thank you.” 

“Don’t worry about it, just get some rest,” he says, offering a small smile. Shiro smiles back the best he can before walking off towards his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! You can find me on tumblr [@starboyshiro](http://starboyshiro.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

Pain. Pain is the only thing Lance has felt recently. The pain of rejection. The pain of being captured. The pain of being tortured. The pain of being starved. The pain of missing home. Pain.

I need to get out of here. I need to get back to Voltron. Can they even form Voltron without me? They probably can, I’m just a seventh wheel anyway and they all know it. I wonder if they’re even looking for me, would they want me back? I just mess up things anyway. It's my fault I got captured, its my fault I’m here. I probably deserve all of this anyway, I should have paid attention more, I wouldn't be here if I did. 

Lance sighs, looking around the dark room. Black to hide any signs of wrongdoing. It's cold, dirty, impersonal. No love, no life. There’s barely any light. Lance knocks his head against the wall, wishing Shiro could have held him at least once. Just to have him close one time would have been everything to Lance. It probably would have been so great. He looks like he gives great hugs. Hugs that make you feel warm and secure. Lance would give anything for just one hug from Shiro. 

Lance rests my head against the cold wall, closing his eyes, trying to imagine someplace better, someplace warmer, somewhere like home. 

“Pathetic, isn’t it?” The larger one of the two aliens asks. Lance doesn’t even know what they are, but he at the very least knows they aren’t Galra. They’re ugly… gangly with four eyes, one set practically right on top of the other. Their skin is almost burnt orange, it makes them look fake, but he knows they aren't, the pain they cause is all too real.

“He just sits there looking sorry for himself,” The smaller one speaks up. 

“What do you want, little blue, do you want to go home?” 

Lance closes his eyes, not wanting to listen to them. Chewing his bottom lip Lance tries to think of the better times, trying to think of something better. Something like Shiro. He knows he rejected him— but he’d still probably try to take care of him. He would get him out of here. 

“Acknowledge me, bitch,” The larger one demands. 

“I’m not a bitch,” Lance snaps back. 

“You here that, Daskjag, he thinks he can talk back. You are what I say you are, bitch,” He spits out. 

“Show ‘em who's boss, Kilged!” 

Kilged grabs Lance’s face, forcing him to look at him. “Your name is bitch. You’ll listen to me when I call you. You got it, bitch?” He growls while squeezing my cheeks together. 

Lance whine slightly nodding the best he can with his hand still squeezing his face. 

“Give the bitch something to eat, but not too much, we don’t want him getting fat,” Kilged says while pulling away from Lance. Kilged and Daskjag leave the room, leaving Lance to his thoughts once again. 

Home, I wanna be home. Kilged is right, I just want to be home. Or back in the castle. Hell, even the Garrison would be good right now. Anywhere but here. 

The sound of metal hitting the hard ground rings through Lance’s ears as Daskjag drops the plate of… slop, onto the floor. 

“Eat up, bitch.” 

“No,” Lance says while turning away.

“Eat. It.” He growls at him standing tall above him. 

“I don’t want to.” He turns away, refusing to eat that mess.

“Do you want me to get Kilged back in here?” 

“You call me pathetic, but you’re just his shadow.” 

Daskjag narrows his eyes, all four of them, as he stares down at Lance. “Don’t push me, bitch.” 

“Why, it's not like you’ll do anything.” 

“I’ll show you what I can do, bitch,” He says, stepping closer to Lance and taking his face in his hands. “I’m going to make you regret saying that.” 

Eyes widening Lance scrabbles back as Daskjag moved forward, dammit why couldn’t he keep his mouth shut for once. 

The first kick from Daskjag sends shockwaves of pain throughout Lance’s entire body. 

“You should have kept your mouth shut, bitch,” Daskjag says, delivering another harsh kick to Lance’s abdomen. Lance struggles to breathe as Daskjag continues punching, kicking, and yelling at him for what seems like hours on end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! You can find me on tumblr [@starboyshiro](http://starboyshiro.tumblr.com) and on twitter [@starboyshiro](https://twitter.com/starboyshiro)


	4. Chapter 4

Shiro takes a deep breath as he watches Allura speak, not really paying attention to anything she's saying, picking mindlessly at his food goo. His mind keeps wandering back to Lance, hoping he’s okay. 

“Maybe now would be a good time to find another paladin to replace Lance,” Allura says while looking down at the table.

“Replace Lance? We can't just replace Lance!” Shiro shouts while standing up, resting his hands on the table below him.

Allura sighs, folding her arms over her chest. “Shiro, you of all people should know that this war is about the bigger picture, not just one person.”

“But we can't just replace him… he's out there. I know he is.” 

“Shiro, we had to do the same thing with you,” Keith speaks up and it hits Shiro like a ton of bricks. 

Shiro’s eyebrows knit together as he looks at Keith, out of all people he thought Keith would understand the way he feels. “Keith… you were the one that kept looking for me, now you just want me to give up on Lance?” 

“I could probably go back to piloting the Red Lion, it won’t be that much of a change. He’s been gone for awhile, Shiro.” Keith shakes his head, looking away from Shiro. 

“I was gone longer than Lance was, I still came back… I know he's out there, we can't just give up on him.” Shiro swallows back tears as he takes a step back from the table. 

“We cannot waste any more time. looking for Lance. There's a good chance he's dead, Shiro,” Allura interjects. 

“I have to agree with Allura on this, Shiro,” Pidge speaks up. “The coalition is stronger than ever, we  _ need _ be to able to form Voltron.”  Shiro can’t believe what he’s hearing, especially after how much time and energy Pidge put into Matt. What do they have against him finding Lance?

Shiro looks at Hunk, but he only sinks down further into his seat, clearly not wanting to be a part of the conversation. 

“Fine, do whatever you have to, but I am not going to be a part of it. I still want to find him.” 

“Shiro you have to—”

“I'm done with this conversation,” Shiro says while walking away, leaving his half-eaten dinner on the table.   

He balls his fists together as he walks towards the Black Lion's hanger. How can they just give up on Lance like that? Was it that easy for them to give up on him when he was gone? 

Shiro stops in front of the Black Lion, staring up her. Her massive size is slightly intimidating but mostly comforting.  

“At least you’re on my side.” Shiro sighs as she lowers down, opening her mouth to welcome him inside. 

“They just want to give up on him,” Shiro says once he sits down. He leans back in his seat, enjoying the comforting embrace of the lion’s energy. “I can’t just give on him, Black. I know he’s somewhere out there. I know he’s probably hurting too and… I-I just want to save him from that. I want to be able to finally tell him how I feel. I want to tell him I love him and I really want to hold him close and make sure he’s safe. He doesn’t deserve this, Black. He doesn’t deserve any of this. I should have just told him how I feel and this probably would have never happened. It’s all my fault. I’m the reason why he’s gone.” Shiro’s voice breaks multiple times as tears begin to well in his eyes.  _ This isn’t fair. It should be me. _

Black wraps Shiro tighter in her energy, trying to get him to relax at least a little bit, but it's hard. It's so hard knowing that this is all his fault. Knowing he’s out there and he’s alone. He’s probably so scared out there and Shiro just wants to bring him back. 

“I’m going to find him.” Shiro gets up from his seat, getting ready to go collect his armor. “I’m going to find him, I’m going to tell him I love him, and then I’m going to kiss his pants off.” Shiro tells the Black Lion.

  
  


Lance

 

Lance groans in pain as he shifts uncomfortably on the cold, hard ground. Everything is hurting and he just wants to sleep, but they won’t really let him. They yell at him, break him down, make him feel like he’s worthless like he has nothing to live for. 

Kilged and Daskjag walk into the small room wearing twin smirks.  _ Oh great.  _

“It’s your lucky day, bitch.” Kilged steps closer, stroking his thumb against Lance’s cheek. Lance turns away, closing his eyes. 

“Aren’t you going to ask why?” Daskjag asks. Lance shakes his head, keeping his eyes closed.

Daskjag continues, “Well, we’re going to tell you anyway. We finally got into contact with the Galra!” 

Lance’s eyes shoot open at the mention of the Galra as he shivers from sheer fear. 

“That sure got his attention.” Kilged chuckles. 

“Please, no,” Lance says, but it comes out barely above a whisper. 

“You hear that Daskjag, the little bitch is begging.” 

“There’s no use, you’re going whether you like it or not.” Daskjag smirks. “You’re going to make us rich, bitch.” 

Lance can’t help the tears that openly fall from his eyes, they only take it as encouragement to continue harassing him. 

“You better save those tears for when the Galra gets their hands on you. You’re going to really need them then,” Kilged says while flicking some of his tears away with his thumb. “Rest up, you’re going to need it.” He turns away, pulling Daskjag along with him. 

Lance knocks his head against the wall and openly sobs.  _ This can’t be happening. They’re going to kill me, I know they’re going to kill me.  _

Lance flinches at the sound of the door sliding open again. He opens his eyes to see an unfamiliar face. She’s a lot nicer to look at than Daskjag and Kiljed. She’s not as tall and gangly as they are. Her skin is a soft lilac opposed to their burnt orange. She has mostly human-like features besides the dark markings lining her cheekbones. 

_ Great, they’re sending in another one to torture me. _ Lance thinks as he looks away from her, tears still lining his eyes. 

“I am Arkhal.” She says, her voice soft.  

“Are you… are you going to hurt me too?” 

“I’m here to help you, Red Paladin.” 

“Help me?” Lance asks with a hint of hope in his voice. He sits up the best he can with the shackles to stare up at Arkhal. She nods, smiling softly as she takes the shackles off of Lance’s wrists. He sighs, gently rubbing his wrists his raw wrists, not pushing too hard to avoid more pain. 

“Why are you helping me?” 

“Voltron needs you.” 

“Mm, yeah right, I’m sure they’re already trying to replace me.” Lance scoffs while standing up on wobbly legs. 

“You are more important than you realize, Lance.” She says while placing his hand on Lance’s shoulder. “You may not see it, but you are important. Now, please, come with me.” 

Lance looks her in the eyes for a brief moment, trying to decide if he should trust her not, but he is desperate to get out of here.

“Okay, I’ll come,” Lance says, but it comes out barely above a whisper. Arkhal smiles, gently taking Lance’s hand in hers as she leads him out of the dark room. This is the most he’s seen of the place. It isn’t very welcoming to say the least. Arkhal leads Lance through the dark hallways, coming to a stop in a small hanger. It seems like it could only hold a few small ships, but right now there’s only two very small ships. 

“Are you one of the rebels?” Lance’s voice breaks through the silence as Arkhal gets the ship ready for him. 

“I am, Voltron has been such a great help to the rebellion, with you gone they haven’t been able to form which is hurting all of us. We need you back,” She says while giving Lance a space suit and a bit of food and water. It won’t last him long, but hopefully long enough to get back to the castleship. 

“Thank you… I would have probably died in there if it wasn’t for you, just… thank you.” 

“I should be thanking you, for all the work you have put into fighting the Galra. Now, please, get as far away from here as you can. The ship's navigation has been equipped with Voltron’s last known location,” Arkhal says while leading Lance into the ship. 

“Are you going to be okay too?” Lance asks. Her face softens with a small smile as looks at him. 

“The other ship is mine, but worry not about me, young paladin. Now go, find Voltron.” Arkhal says, stepping out of the ship. The door closes behind her and Lance sinks down into the pilot's seat for a moment before changing into his suit. He’s finally going to get out of here. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank for reading! You can find me on tumblr [@starboyshiro](http://starboyshiro.tumblr.com)


	5. Chapter 5

Shiro 

Shiro had long since lost track of how long he had been out in his lion looking Lance. Hours seemed to have passed without a single trace of Lance. If he’s being completely honest he doesn’t know where to look for Lance. He’s just aimlessly searching hoping to find him. Hoping he’ll be able to say all the things he didn’t get before Lance left.

Shiro grips the clutch tighter, sighing deeply as he looks out at the vast universe in front of him.

_Please come home, Lance, I have so much to tell you._

Just as Shiro thinks about turning back and calling it a night he sees a small ship in the distance getting closer and closer. It’s less that he has a feeling it's Lance and more of hoping it's Lance in there.

Shiro puts all of his energy into getting to the other ship, getting closer and closer with each passing second.

Whoever is in the other ship doesn't seem to be hostile, it stopped when Shiro stopped his lion in front of it. He scans for lifeforms on the ship, relieved to only find one. Hopefully, it's Lance, but if it's not and they are hostile they shouldn’t be too hard to fight off.

He takes a deep breath, getting ready to board the ship. He looks around the space between him and the ship, no impending signs of danger. He pulls the door open with ease, saying one last prayer before finally entering the ship. Relief washes over him when he sees Lance sitting in the pilot's seat, but it's quickly replaced with worry when Lance doesn’t move.

“Lance?” The black paladin asks while slowly making his way towards him. “Fuck, Lance, what happened to you?” He frowns, gently picking Lance up in his arms. “I’m going to get you help buddy, hang on.” Shiro wastes no time moving from the sketchy ship to the safety of the Black Lion.

It doesn’t take long for them to get back to the castleship. The rest of the team tries to crowd around them, but Shiro pushes past them, set on getting Lance into a pod.

“Hunk can you help me?” Shiro turns to him before walking out of the hanger, ignoring the questions from the rest of the team. Hunk nods, following close behind him to the medbay.

“I can’t believe you found him,” Hunk says, disbelief heavy in his tone. “I mean, I can because you’re you and when you put your mind to something you usually get it done, but this is wild. Where did you even find him? How did you even find him?” Hunk continues to grill him with questions as they enter the medbay.

“I don’t know, Hunk, I just found him. I don’t know how I did it, but I did.” Shiro frowns deeply as he places Lance on a table with care, Lance shouldn’t be the one getting ready to get put in a pod. “Can we focus on getting him into a pod before you ask any more questions?”

“Right, sorry,” Hunk breathes out, helping Shiro get Lance out of the space suit and into a medical one. “I’m just really glad you found him, Shiro, he’s… he’s so important to this team… the way the rest of the team has been acting towards this situation has been so unfair to him. They aren’t realizing how important he really.” Hunk looks Shiro in the eyes a small smile lining his lips. “Thank for not giving up on him, Shiro. It means so much to me.” Shiro nods, smiling softly as he picks Lance back up.

“I would never give up on a team member, especially Lance,” Shiro confesses as they ease Lance into a pod. “I’m just… I’m so glad he’s back. Maybe he’ll give me a chance to explain myself now that he’s back.”

“He’ll probably be willing to listen after everything that has happened.” Hunk places his hand on Shiro’s shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze. “But you should probably go clean up and get some rest.” He nudges Shiro towards the door, but the black paladin stops, staying put.

“I want to stay.”

“Shi—”

“ _Please._ ”

Hunk sighs, nodding before looking back up at Shiro. “At least freshen up and get some food in you before coming back? He’s not going to wake up tonight. It’ll be a few days at the very least.”  

Shiro frowns at the idea of leaving Lance in here alone, but he does need to change out of his armor and get some real food in his stomach.

“Will you stay with him for me?”

“I’ll be right here when you get back.”  

“Thank you… for not giving up on him.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Shiro pulls Hunk into a tight hug, they part with soft smiles lining their lips. At least Hunk wouldn’t give up on Lance like the rest of the team did. He’s here for Lance… he’s here for Shiro.

 

~~

 

Shiro returns to the medbay clean, well fed, and ready to stay by Lance’s side as long as it takes. Hunk leaves Shiro alone with Lance, figuring he would rather be alone.

Shiro sits in front of Lance’s pod, his blanket wrapped tightly around him. He chews at his bottom lip as he tries to find the right words. It's not like Lance will be able to hear him, but it's the thought that counts. Plus, Shiro wants to get it all out there and off of his chest to ease his nerves before actually telling Lance how he feels.

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry,” Shiro starts, looking down at his hands. He takes a deep breath before starting again. “I feel like this is all my fault, Lance, I should have been honest with you… I… I should have just told you how I feel. How much I really do care about you. How much I lo—”

“I think he’s in here,” Keith says as the door of the medbay slides open. Allura and Pidge follow close behind him as he approaches Shiro.

“What do you want?” Shiro doesn’t bother looking at them, keeping his eyes on Lance in the pod.

“We came to apologize, Shiro,” Allura speaks up, stepping closer to Shiro.

“For what? Giving up on the one person that always believed in everyone on this team no matter what?”

“Shi—”

Shiro cuts Allura off, “I really don’t want to hear it. Lance is the one you should all be apologizing to anyway.” Shiro turns his back to them, not wanting to hear whatever lame excuses they came up with to justify turning their backs on Lance. Apparently, Lance doesn’t mean as much to them as much as they mean to him.

“Shiro, will you at least give us a chance to explain ourselves?” Pidge asks, looking down at Shiro with pleading eyes.

“Like I said, I’m not the one you should be apologizing to. You should wait until Lance comes out and apologize to him.”

“You’re being really stubborn, Shiro,” Keith says while crossing his arms over his chest.

Shiro sighs for a moment before looking up at Keith. “You gave up on him. I told you he was still out there and you gave up on him. After you kept looking for me you still gave up him.” His gaze lands on Pidge. “And you. I’d expect you to understand the most with how much of your time and effort you put into finding Matt. You just hopped right on the ‘Fuck Lance’ train as if he doesn’t even matter. As if he isn’t one of the most important members of this team. As if his feelings don’t matter. As if… as if I’m just supposed to drop him like I don’t even care about him.” He turns away from them once again, wiping the tears from his face. “Please, just leave me alone. You can all apologize to Lance when he wakes him.”

“You're right,” Keith says while sitting down next to Shiro. “Lance really is important to this team. He messes with me, but I know it's all a joke and that he really does mean well. I’m really sorry for wanting to give up on him when I know he wouldn’t have given up on any one of us.”

Allura sits down next to Shiro, giving him a soft smile before speaking. “Lance is always there for all of us and what I said was very selfish. He… he would never give up on his. He didn’t give up on me and would always encourage me to try again. We do need him.”

Shiro doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t make any moves to make the others leave anymore. He just looks up at Lance’s pod with glossy eyes. Wishing he would come out sooner rather than later. Wishing he could tell him everything he wanted to tell him before he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! You can find me on tumblr [@starboyshiro](http://starboyshiro.tumblr.com)


End file.
